Laying those we love to rest

Well, I'm back after a long absence. Had my head up my you - know - what and forgot what was important to me for a while. Lost my father a few days ago, buried him on his birthday ~ 7/28/08 . . . he would have been 91.

He had a long healthy life. Loved by many, misunderstood by some. . . .failed to love those he should have. . . .at least not in the way he should. Cryptic you say. . .no, I'm talking about his relationship with me. Sometimes good, never great, much of the times lousy. His family was not my family. My mother's family was always the family I knew, loved and still love so very much. Lucky, very lucky, to have them.

Got to see The Boy. So happy to see my loved son after over 8 months. He's changed ~ some ~ not as much as I thought he might. But enough to know that the 'spaces in our togetherness' is good for him and me.

David is back in Cali now. . .doing his thing . . working, playing, and getting ready to embark on his California college adventure. I am so psyched for him. Always wanted to live in Cali and he's living the dream. . . .I hope it is good for him always.

Me I'm looking for a path that helps me finish growing up and helps me appreciate the good life I do truly have. I do have a man that loves me. A son that loves me and is growing up in a way that I know I've done something right with him. Two great dogs, a crazy ass sister that I wouldn't trade for the world, and another friend that has turned out to be a true gem. My sister, Mona.

So my sadness is in layers. Loss of a parent who betrayed me numerous times in my life. These time brings back memories of the loss of my mother 5 years ago. . . .she too betrayed me many, many times in my life. I was able to come to terms with that relationship though. Having my dearest son come and visit. A visiting so fleeting it was here and gone in a blink. Layers and layers of sadness. . . I'm digging my way out. . .I see a glimpse . . .a glimmer of my inner fortitude that will sustain me. . . .I am sure.

What is it. . I am woman, hear me roar. I'll be ok this time too. T