Just lost my aunt and it's brought back a flood of emotions ~ good and bad ones. A sense of deep loss and sadness will bring me into the the light of hope again. I made the journey during my aunt's illness and subsequent death for many reasons. Love first and foremost. Family absolutely. Duty, well, why not. We owe something to the women (especially in my family) who raised us us from babies and brought us safely into adulthood.
This wonderful (and sometimes awful) woman was my mother's sister. She was there the day I came home with my mom from the hospital. She lived with us ~ a single Mom herself in the mid-50's in a small conservative Ohio village with her two young children, Bobbi (Roberta) and Johnny. My grandmother cared for us while our mother's worked to support us all.
Dating, working, raising a 12 year old daughter and an infant daughter consumed much of my mother's time. Aunt Wilma had her 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter and my Grandmother was still providing a home to her favorite cousin's daughter who she took in after the cousin's suicide when the girl was 4 years old. We lived quite happily in that big old house that year after year deteriorated around my Grandmother. But she would not move. Oh no, that was her home and my mother died in a home that was falling down around her, and Aunt Wilma lived in the same home she had lived in since her oldest were young grade-schoolers (they now both nearing 60).
I have had many ups and downs over the years and believe that I am in a time in my life I have to make some decisions and make some changes ~ or my entire being is in peril. I don't know how to bear my soul without breaking down and I think I need to bear my soul and uncover what is deep inside of me eating away at who I am. My sadness is heavy and I'm tired of carrying it around. I want to take it and leave it some place ~ bury it ~ leave it for dead before it leaves me the same way.
Well, after those happy thoughts (and I am tough ~ it will all turn out OK, I will make sure of it) I will close now. I saw a psychic yesterday and was with my mother, my grandmother, my father, a great aunt and a cousin. I am happier today than I have been for a while. I will get better. This weight I feel across my shoulders will lift if I do what my guides have told me to do. I am a great student. I am ready. . . .
