Keeping my crazy in check

Whoa ~ it's been a bumpy ride these past 20 our or so. Sleep came at around 3:30 a.m. Exhausted but eyes did not want to shut. Every crease in the sheets and my tee cut into my skin. Buzz, buzzzzzz goes my brain. My body aches an aches but that is from the fibromyalgia I guess. My right arm in particular ached after going to bed at about 12 midnight-ish.

Once again, how can they say that a drug ~ prescription drug is non-habit, non- addictive when going off of it is hell??

My body craves it. . . . needs it . . .relies on it. . .

Funny thought coming home from an establishment we frequent and have frequented for 10 years each and every Saturday. I felt totally sad and alone in this journey . . .my husband dear man that he can be sometimes just seems annoyed by this 'thing' I'm going through. Hell, I wouldn't want to live with somebody who is stumbling, having difficulty forming sentences, can't drive 'cause she's afraid she'll crack up the car, and so on and so on. .. .

Anyway, I thought that if I killed myself now they would blame it on the drugs ~ or lack of them. The withdrawl ~ the brain buzzing ~ the sudden tears for no reason. But I needed to put that down on my blog because I know myself. Putting the thoughts on paper so to speak I would never ever act on it. I am safe for now. I won't I won't I won't go there. I want so much to be off this drug. I want to have clarity of thought. I want my body to be my own again. A body I control. Lose weight, think, feel.

Well, one thing is definitely true. I can't remember the last time I FELT SO MUCH EMOTION. I feel and feel sooooo much.

So what has today been like. Slow motion some times. I had 5 items to ship today. I swear it was like 3 hours for me to do the things I needed to do to get these things in bags and out to the mail box. I tried to be kind to myself. The best thing I did for myself was putting Babie in her crate so I could take a shower by myself (the kook loves ~ no insists on getting into the shower ~all the way in the shower with me). . . .I shaved my legs, soak my toe nails, conditioned my hair, sat on the shower floor and pushed my toe nail cuticles back. Got out just when my hubbie let her out of (whew major head rush that 'caused me to physically weave in my chair) her crate. She was freaked she did not get to shower with me.

I then lounged on the couch ~ watching Bette Davis ~ it's her 100th Birthday this weekend or today. Watched The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex. . .a great Davis ~ Errol Flynn movie. And painted my toe nails BRIGHT RED.

So then we got ready and went to the Tavern (let's call it that). Had a few beers, eat a salad, talked to friends. Watched the world go by during our city's Gallery Hop (we go to an area that is rich in Galleries, bars, Restaurants, etc.)

Need to go change clothes now. Will be back later. Actually feel pretty good right now. Whew, head rush. See ya! 9:08 p.m.